MARRIAGE NSEMPIISMS; AN OPEN LETTER TO EFO

 AN OPEN LETTER TO MY DAD, EFO.

Dear Efo,

It has become very necessary that I write this note to you. This is due to a comment I heard your friend, Amegah Agbodeka, make when he visited you last Tuesday. I know you taught me well enough to not eavesdrop on conversations and I swear on the testicle of my pet goat, Zorro, that I did not. The matter I am about to address happened to pass through my ears when I was bringing you the roasted plantain and groundnut on that day - but I am glad it did. I am also very convinced to speak to the matter because when your friend said the things he said, you did not verbally agree or disagree with him. I fear that your silence meant you consented to what he said.

If I heard your friend right, Efo, he said that he would not allow his daughter to marry Barimah Adakabreh Frimpong-Manso, the goldsmith's son. He added that it will only be over his dead body that their union will take place. He then concluded that he would rather his daughter married Mr Zomerlo's son, Koku ItisbytheGrace Agbemabiese, or any other man from the Ewe tribe. His reason was as trifle as a dry tree branch; he did not want his daughter to be corrupted by another tribe.

Efo, I am writing this to you (I hope Daavi reads it too) to state emphatically to you that I will not marry a man from my tribe or any man of an Ewe descent. I am making you aware before you birth the idea of making me marry one. This is not to say I am not proud of my heritage. Neither am I saying that there are no good Ewe suitors out there (how can I even say things like that?). Efo, your daughter is a proud Ewe lady. You taught me how to be one and if after this life I am given the opportunity to come back to the Earth, I will beg God to make me come back as an Ewe.

Efo, did I tell you that my friends in class are envious of Ewes? A big part of the reason is our fine Ewe lecturer. He is not only handsome and intelligent but he uses every opportunity to tell the class about our tribe and clear some of the misconceptions people have about us. On one occasion, he told the class that the our language is so 'heavy' it is the only language spoken in heaven. Since that day, some students have been worrying me to teach them the heavenly language. Even my ethnocentric friend, Naa Atswe, recently told me she wished she was Ewe.

I am well aware, Efo, that you have had problems with men from other tribes because they married my aunties and did not treat them well. I am sure it is the hatred in your heart that Amegah Agbodeka wanted to capitalize on; the reason he came to you and no one else. He knew you would speak to him from that bias and encourage his already established incorrigible thought. But Efo, do you know that, just like you, there are people of other tribes who hate our tribesmen because their natives were not treated well when they married Ewes? I am sure you also know that the success of marriages, an example being you and Daavi's, has nothing to do with the tribe one marries from. It takes completely different set of factors that are not the subject of this note so I will not touch on them.

I also know that language and other cultural differences could pose some challenges in inter tribal marriages. This is especially so with regards to which way the children should be brought up. However, I believe when handled with maturity, it will be an issue to not bother oneself about.

Efo, I will not marry an Ewe because I believe in inter tribal marriages. I want my daughter, assuming I marry a Fante man, to have an Ewe-Fante identity, like; Elikem Kwayisibea Mensah. Ah Efo, isn't that lovely! Or, I marry an Ashanti and we name our child; Nana Kossi Azameti Atuobi-Yiadom.

I want my children to be exposed to cultures other than mine. I want to teach them how to tolerate people from different cultures, teach them not to be stereotypical of others and instill in them how to live at peace with all men. Indeed, marrying a non-Ewe will not automatically teach them all these but it will be a starting point. The rest, they would learn from school hopefully.

Now Efo, do not be too worried about all that I have said. My position on this matter is not too entrenched. If I ever fall in love with an Ewe man, the narrative will be a different one. If not, don't expect that I will bring one home.

Your lovely Ewe daughter,
Mamavi.