DIARY OF A WOMAN DATING A MARRIED MAN 2

I could not gather courage to break up with Fred so I did not have any option than to tell my mum about him. It was even more expedient that I tell my mum because Fred wanted me to be his second wife. The day I told my mum about Fred was the day I felt my world had come to an end. She was disappointed, hurt and broken. How could her daughter date a married man? “How could you? How could you date a married man?” she asked. To her, it was an abominable act in the eyes of God and in the eyes of mankind.

I agreed with my mum but what was I to do after the number of heartbreaks I had boyfriend after boyfriend. In recent past, I got my spells of relationship misfortunes from Desmond and Roland.  

Desmond and I met in my final year in senior high school. We dated till in my second year in the university. Even though he claimed to have loved me, he cheated on me. Throughout the relationship, he made me feel useless; never appreciating me on anything I do and always introducing me as his cousin at public gatherings. I was special to him when we were indoors – if you get what I mean. 

In all, I still held on to him because I loved him. Desmond was four years older than I was. He was working while I was in school.  At some point, he lost his job and I was the one taking care of him.  I gave Desmond half of every nickel I took from my mum even though what I received was not enough.  I wanted to give him my best and make him happy yet he never appreciated it. 

I gave Desmond enough rope and, as expected of cheating men, he hanged himself with it. I caught him red-handed sleeping with my roommate in my bed. Till date, I cannot think of any reason for which they would do it on my bed and not hers. Of all the girls he could have cheated on me with, he didn’t get any person other than my roommate - someone I called my best friend. What they did, did not only destroy the relationship I had with Desmond; it also destroyed what I had with my roommate as well. It was a terrible experience for me. For days, nights, weeks and months I cried.  I vowed never to date any man again not to talk of getting married. 

Heartbreaks are like bile. It takes grace for one to recover from it. It was a miracle that brought me back unto my feet. And that miracle was meeting Fred. He swept me off my feet, cared for me in a way no man has ever done and made all my fears and insecurities evaporate. He was an embodiment of all I needed in a man. It is because of these that I did not hesitate to talk to my mum about him. He was too perfect to let go. Given a gazillion chances, I would gladly be his second wife.

We knew it was not going to be easy to go through with this. First, we had Fred’s wife to think about. Fred suggested that we have a secret wedding so he would not have to tell his wife about it. She definitely was not going to find out. After all, I wasn’t going to live in his house.

The next and biggest challenge was my mum. Her response to our proposition was that it was only going to be over her dead body that I become a man’s second wife. Initially, I thought all she could do was to have her say and I could have my way. I, however, thought long and hard about it and realized that I could not disregard her like that. She was my mother and I knew better to not honor her in my decision; even more, the decision on whom to marry and the consequences thereof.

It hurt to be in this position - to have to choose been my mum whom I cherished and the man I loved. I wanted to be with Fred and give my mum grandchildren but my mother would not look at my children twice if I had them with Fred. I was overwhelmed with a mixture of emotions – hatred, anger and regret. I hated all the guys who failed me in the past, I was angry with myself for allowing things to come this far and then I regretted ever meeting the most amazing man on the surface of the earth. 

I had nothing against my mum she meant well and I could not begrudge her in any way. I had only one more option with her; to try to convince her, explain my situation to her and see if she would agree. As to whether I can get through to her is a question to be answered on another day.